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November 20, 2014

Anxiety & Depression

robot hugs

I have been dealing with anxiety and bouts of depression for a while now. It's not something that's easy to put on blast but there's something to be said, which is why I'm writing this.

What inspired this post? A recent tiff (like 5 minutes ago recent) I had with two people.

Recently, I decided to make an appointment with the counseling services at my school because I've been self-assessing my situation the entire time and honestly I just want to function properly. Getting outside perspective from someone who you're guaranteed won't judge you, like say a friend or family member might, is actually very appealing to me. 

I'm tired of talking to people (friends and family) about my issues and getting passive aggressive, apathetic, and insensitive responses. On top of that, I then have to deal with my harboring resentment and getting upset over things that were meant with the "best of intentions." 

I digress.

Basically, I told two people that I was going to get some counseling and it went a little like this:

X: for what?
Me: you know for what.
X: *laughs* why are you making it like you're crazy?
Me: this is why I don't tell you anything.

I guess Y realized X was being insensitive and called X out on it. So what X does is start poking at Y and then Y responds with the same insensitivity. At this point, I tell Y to stop because being insensitive to X is not helping the situation but making it worse and somehow Y ended up being upset with me and telling me that I was crazy, that's why I had problems, and that's why I needed to go to therapy.

I didn't feel like arguing (though the Arian in me was ready to throw down) but all I said to Y was "don't talk to me."

I don't take my anxiety and depression lightly. In fact, that's why I finally decided to go get help. That was a big step for me and I was very happy with that decision but it hurts when people use that against you. There's nothing wrong with me taking charge of my life and trying to better my situation so that I can live a happier and more fulfilling life.

It's not the first time someone has called me crazy or made fun of my anxiety/depression and then poked fun at it and refer to me as weak, sensitive, or claim to not understand my logic.

When these types of things happen, I tend to distance myself and talk less and less to people, to the point where they almost become a stranger. 

What I want you to take away from this is don't be insensitive to people who are genuinely telling you that they have a problem. Don't make fun of them. When you're mad at them don't use their weaknesses against them because all you're going to do is push someone away and make them feel alienated and possibly more alone.

So stop it! 

,
Elba
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