September 28, 2014

Breaking Up With My iPhone 4s

I got my iPhone 4s about 3 years ago (I believe) and it was a troublesome relationship from the beginning (emotional and technical). I thought it was going to be great! This iPhone had been released two months before and I was pumped for that upgrade!

That night, I went to the Apple Store with my then love interest (because dude was never my boyfriend) to see his friend who worked at the store and I bought my phone from her. My then love interest bought my case and said "don't ever say I never got you anything" and we left. 

That night we went out to a bar and the girl showed up and I asked him if he could give his friend a ride home (which he was probably planning on doing anyway). Long story short, he felt up the girl in the front seat (though it was argued that holding hands, circling thumbs, and caressing thighs was not feeling up) with me in the back and I was totally oblivious at first because I was too busy playing with my new phone. He said later on that it shouldn't have bothered me because we weren't together and that he shouldn't have to consider my feelings. Fair enough. 

The phone had been cursed since then. 

I had changed my case various times but all the other cases broke so I had to keep it in the case Jerk (this is the name I am assigning to my then love interest) had gotten for me. This phone was tainted with this guy's memory. He was in and out of my life at the time; although it reminded me of him it wasn't always negative or bothersome.

If memory serves me well, about six months later the 5 came out and I decided not to get it because I had just gotten this phone and I was stuck with my contract. Then the 5s came out and my contract was almost over but I had to wait just a little more. I decided to "wait til the 6 came out."

I did not realize how long I would be waiting. I was patient with this 4s but it started acting up. It was 29 degrees outside and it would die at 30 percent but I let it go because you know this phone had been there for me and worked fine. 

I dropped it a couple of times and never broke it but my coworker dropped it and the screen shattered. I had the screen replaced but this phone was just not working. It wouldn't send messages at the right speed so my conversations were off and even started some arguments. Towards the end, it was unbearable. It wouldn't connect to my computer at all so I couldn't add all my pictures or backup my phone (because 5 gigs for backup space on iCloud was and still is not enough). No pictures of my nieces because there was no space and I had too many apps (even when I deleted them). The battery was shot, one full charge lasted about an hour and I couldn't message anyone and I had to be strategic about battery life for interview phone calls. This phone even sold me out to Jerk which ultimately ended the "relationship." We can argue about who was worse and whatever but you know what? I'll take the hit for that one, everyone, I was the bad guy. 

The 4s was full of emotional baggage and just didn't work anymore but I had waited so long that I wasn't going to just give up and get a 5s when I knew the 6 was right around the corner...the very long corner. I waited. 

Rumors were buzzing about this new phone and the 4s was at its limit and I couldn't give up hope and then a glimpse of hope was upon us in the late summer. Still no word about a new phone and I just stopped trying to charge my phone at all and then that big Apple conference happened. They finally announced the arrival of the iPhone 6!

The 6 would be available for preorder on September 12th and available for purchase on September 19th. On September 12th I was preordered but the universe wanted me to believe I would be stuck with the 4s for a while longer. My credit card's security system is top of the line so when they saw that charge they were like NOPE and I had to cancel my order. I preordered again and the date was set to deliver October 13th-21st and I thought "well you waited this long." I almost gave up and went Android.

I just couldn't take it anymore. I did everything in my power to try to get this phone to work properly and it just didn't so why wait any longer and prolong this relationship? I cancelled the preorder and saw if I could pick up, apparently this option wasn't available but the next day on a whim, I decided to check again and there it was: available for pickup at the Fifth Avenue location. I went after work at 12:00am and finally got the new phone that I deserved. 

A couple of things that I thought about after I had the unopened box in my purse at 1:00am, were that I bought this phone alone, at a completely different store, one that I had positive experiences with and that I was walking down a route that I walked a lot when I was younger. While walking this route I would call Jerk and ask him why we weren't together and it at that moment I realized that it was a big circle for me. "Here you are," I thought, "here's the end, go on to a new route." It was very exhilarating to say the least. 

Thanks for teaching me to be patient and understanding 4s. Thank you for teaching me to make the best out of a bad situation and most of all thank you for teaching me to let go.

Breaking up is never easy, be it with phones or humans.


September 22, 2014

I'm a Feminist?

Throughout my life there has been a lot of soul searching. Am I a theatre major? Am I a makeup artist? Am I American? Am I Nicaraguan? There were lots of things I had to go over in order to define who I am to myself. One thing that never occurred to me, sadly, was whether I was a Feminist.

Growing up, I realized that I thought differently than my sisters and my mother. I remember walking behind my eldest sister to make it difficult for men to look at her assets and then to remark on them. I just realized, as I write this, that I have always had a problem with cat calling. I have never liked it. I didn't like people commenting on my sisters' appearance and them just walking away and thanking them for their kind words.

I always thought there was something inherently wrong with this and eventually when I became the target I would tell men to shut the fuck up and that I didn't need God to bless me any more than I already was. My mother thought this was wrong because we should never turn down blessings but what she didn't understand was that they were blessings based on my appearance and not my brain.

I was always told that I needed to find a good man.

"Find a good man that'll take care of you Elba."
"I'm going to pray to God so that he sends you a good boyfriend."
"You'll be happier when you get a boyfriend."

I had a shitty father figure growing up. My father was a womanizer and left us. It's just been my sisters and my mother for a very long time and that in itself shows the resilience we have as women. We can prosper without the paternal figure?


However, I was still subconsciously taught that I needed a man to take care of me because I'm a weak, little woman. Needless to say, that probably landed me in substandard relationships where if I said no to something and was still coerced to do it, it was not considered wrong because I loved the person. Well that's bullshit.

Don't get me wrong though. I don't hate men. I love men. There are great men in the world. What I don't like is being treated like property. I don't like lewd comments about my appearance from strangers (positive or negative). I don't like being told I should smile because who wants to smile after a 16 hour day? I also believe that I should get a whole dollar to a man's dollar in pay. 70 cents to a man's dollar really adds up and as a woman who does not want to depend on a man for financial stability, well I could really use those extra 30 cents.

It hasn't been until recently that I've realized that I was a Feminist. There's a lot of stigma surrounding the word "Feminism" so I can see why there was an aversion but why? Why is it so appalling to want equality? Why is it so terrible to want to be able to support yourself without the help of a man? Why is it mind boggling to not aspire to marriage?

As a Latina, it is hugely important for us to break these barriers. Machismo needs to go away in Latin/Hispanic culture. A woman should be applauded for wanting to make her own money and doing things on her own terms and not be shamed for wanting have as much casual sex as she likes, with whoever she likes.

So yes, I am a Feminist.

I want my nieces to grow up and think independently and want to build Lego structures and I want my nephews to defend their cousins when they're getting cat called on the street and admire a woman (if they're straight) without feeling like they have the right to tell her that her ass looks great and stare at her vulgarly.

I am a Feminist because I don't want to be guilt tripped into having sex with a boyfriend when I don't feel like it. I am a Feminist because I want to walk down the street and not feel obligated to say thank you to sleazy men. I am a Feminist because I want my mother to accept that it's okay that I don't have a boyfriend and that I don't need a boyfriend to provide for me and that I already am happy, a relationship isn't going to make me whole and help me achieve eternal happiness. I am a Feminist because I don't want to live in a society where leaking female celebrity nudes is acceptable and is glorified.

Most of all, I am a Feminist because I wholeheartedly believe that I can make myself happy, I can make myself whole, I can provide for myself, I can pay off my debts, I can do this all for myself without the help of a man and prosper.

Please tell me you want in on this too!


September 20, 2014

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

Hi guys!

Sleep? What a strange concept.

Soooo incredibly busy! I have finally made some time to breathe and write a little something on here! School is going amazingly well. It's so busy and I hardly get any sleep but I'm learning and that's what matters!

Work...ugh. I'm looking to cut my hours in October. I've had my usual two days off but that isn't exactly working seeing as how I usually have weekdays off, so it's like not having a day off at all! I can't wait for October! 

I haven't had time to upload any favorites videos for August. I think I'll have time to do one this month and hopefully some hair tutorials, if I do everything the way I have planned. Honestly, I haven't even been wearing as much makeup as usual because I don't even have time to look presentable these days! Oh well. 

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