July 25, 2013

My Love/Hate Relationship With Myself: Self Esteem

There are times when my self esteem is through the roof and I feel unstoppable and there are many more times when it's down in the gutter and I feel like I should hide. I'm really hard on myself and I'm sure a lot of you are as well so I figured I should write about it. There's always a constant struggle to make my appearance better and be happy about it but I feel like I can't do that if I'm constantly abhorring my appearance at the moment. I know when someone is trying to help by telling me, "Hey! you've gained weight," or "You should exercise more," or even the "You'd look hotter if you were toned," right after having sex but that always hurts more than it helps. 

I have never been skinny but that's normal for me because that's the way my body is built. Over the past few years I've put on more weight and it hasn't gone unnoticed. You know, I live with myself and I see myself in the mirror and yes, I can see that my legs are bigger, that my butt is rounder, and that my cellulite is more noticeable. Yes, I have cellulite, it's fucking normal, it's the way my body stores fat, I can't help that that's the way that it looks. Get over it. I see all these things everyday and the mirror is a constant reminder that I'm bigger and then having to be reminded by other people isn't fun.

You know it's really hard being a fat girl or a girl trying to lose weight and be fit. You go out with your skinny friends (or your more confident friends) and they eat whatever the fuck they want and sometimes you'll be good and get the salad and get the WTF looks but sometimes you'll eat some bad stuff to save face but also because you haven't let yourself eat it in so long because you're always harassing yourself about being fat or unfit. Then you get the WTF look again but this time it seems to say "damn, she should really be watching what she eats," or "no wonder she isn't losing weight." You just can't win and you know that they'll be talking about it later so it just makes you feel like overall shit.

I was on Instagram a couple of days ago and was upset because I was looking through someone's Instagram and there was this one follower trash talking the owner of the Instagram account because she posted a makeup look with fuller, ungroomed brows. The makeup was beautiful but this girl chose to trash talk about the eyebrow instead. The owner of the picture then commented several times to different people that the eye belonged to her younger sister who shouldn't have any business plucking her eyebrows anyway but still people kept commenting about the brows. 

The one follower kept on being a jerk and me being the nosy person that I am, went to check this follower's profile. It turned out the girl is beautiful. She had  a stunning figure, which is what she likes to flaunt on her Instagram, and then I went into a deep dark state of envy and I sat there self-loathing myself. I was thinking "I'm so ugly. Ugh! Why am I having so much trouble losing weight this time around?"  I was in the midst of all these negative nancy thoughts and I remembered why I went to the girl's Instagram in the first place, she had been trash talking a 13-year-old's eyebrow. There she was with a thousand likes on her pictures and yet she still felt the need to go and hate on someone's eyebrow...WHY?! Yeah her body's on fire but her personality sucks and that's what made her ugly.

That's when I realized that yes, I'm not as fit as I'd like to be and yes it's gonna take time to get there but at least I have a great personality that goes with my fat legs, bulging belly, and cellulite and that's what makes me beautiful (sang in 1 Direction style). That and my killer face!

I'm just kidding!

So when I'm feeling down in the dumps about my appearance or when I'm comparing myself to girls that are skinny and fit, I should remember that appearance is only part of me and not the entirety of me. Once you get past someone's appearance, who they are is what you have left and I'd rather beat myself up over being a jerk than being overweight. 

I leave you with this:


July 19, 2013

EOTD: Scorching Eyeballs

So... today was a sizzler in New York City, so much so, that it busted the air conditioner down at work and when I got there, I was told that the store was closed...thanks guys!

Anywho, lately, because it's been so hot, I do my eyes at home and finish my complexion at work so that by the time I get there my foundation is not dripping down my neck but I didn't get to do my complexion today until I went home yeah.

Pictures of my eyeball and my face

This is my eye in daylight.

My eye in my

Blurry picture of the entire look...sorry about the quality, my camera was acting up :(

I camwhored for a while there.

Eyes open.

Eyes closed

How often do you get a picture of my face full on? Hardly ever! Haha. 

You can't really tell but my eye was actually glittery and it just wasn't showing up in my pictures unless the pictures were blurry -_-. 


  • Lime Crime Eyeshadow Helper
  • Inglot Cosmetics 107 Freedom Rainbow Eyeshadow (this one is one of the eyeshadows with three shades in one, this one in particular is in matte brown shades.) I used the lightest one of the shades as an overall base, the middle shade to warm up the crease, and the darkest shade in the outer corner, blended up into the crease. I also used it to smudge the kohl liner on my bottom lash line.
  • Inglot Cosmetics 123 Freedom Rainbow Eyeshadow. I used the lightest and middle shades in this shadow to really warm up the crease and give a burnt sienna color.
  • Inglot Cosmetics 313 Freedom Eyeshadow underneath my brow as a highlight.
  • Inglot Cosmetics Kohl Eyeliner Pencil in 01
  • Physicians Formula Eye Booster 2-in-1 Lash Boosting Eyeliner + Serum in Ultra Black for my cat eye.
  • Inglot Cosmetics Body Sparkles in #66 in the center of the lid for sparkle. WARNING: BODY SPARKLES ARE NOT MEANT FOR USE ON THE EYE! Some Body Sparkles contain actual SILVER and may fall into your eye and cut your cornea! Use at your discretion! I honestly wish Inglot made a sparkle that was eye safe but until then I will continue to live on the edge! 
  • Da Vinci Lashes in #1.

  • MAC Cosmetics Fluidline in Dipdown.

  • Benefit Cosmetics The Porefessional.
  • The Balm Cosmetics TimeBalm Foundation in Light/Medium.
  • The Balm Cosmetics TimeBalm Concealer in Light/Medium.
  • Nars Cosmetics Blush/Bronzer Trio Set (Laguna was my bronzer, Albatross was my highlighter and Orgasm was my blush).
  • MAC Cosmetics Studio Fix Powder Plus Foundation in NC25 (which is too dark for me).

  • Lime Crime Coquette and Cosmopop.

I think my next post will be a musing so I hope you're enjoying these looks! ^_^


July 17, 2013

Copy Cat Series: The AnubisMakeup Edition

I'm sure you're all aware that there are tons of people to follow on Instagram and that out of these tons of people there are a lot of makeup artists and makeup enthusiasts who share their love of makeup and makeup artistry. I follow a lot of these people and get inspiration from these looks and so my friend, Stephanie, (who I've written about here before) came up with the Copy Cat Series and basically what she did was ask those of us who wanted to participate if we wanted to copy a look from one these inspirational people and tag them under #copycatseries. I was totally down for it because sometimes I lack inspiration and sometimes I want to do something but have no idea what to do and what better way to test my skills than to try to recreate someone's amazing look!

This past week's artist we were going to copy was Anubis Makeup. If you haven't looked at her looks and you're into makeup looks take the time to do so because her looks are absolutely phenomenal! I believe the goal is to do one every week from a different artist so I'm absolutely looking forward to who we copy next!

Without further ado:

The image of the top left corner is by Amber (anubismakeup) and the other images are my eye. 

I realize that mine came out completely different due to the shape of my eye and also because the blues I used weren't as navy as the look I was trying to copy but I'm still happy with how it came out!


  • Lime Crime Eyeshadow Helper (The old one and I'm ALMOST done with it).
  • Inglot Cosmetics 313 Freedom Eyeshadow under the brow as a highlight and Kohl Eyeliner Pencil 01 in the waterline.
  • The Balm Cosmetics Nude 'Tude palette's Sultry and Sophisticated eyeshadows for the crease.
  • Sugarpill Makeup Chroma Lust Loose Eyeshadow in Royal Sugar on my lid.
  • Mattese Elite Fairy Dust Glitter in Blue (this is discontinued -_-).
  • MAC Cosmetics Fluidline in Blacktrack to create the reversed winged liner.

  • Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz in Medium Ash.

  • The Balm Cosmetics TimeBalm Foundation in Light/Medium and TimeBalm Concealer in Light/Medium.

I hope you guys are liking these kinds of posts! I have other ideas but I'd also like to know what kind of things you'd like for me to write about!

Also, please take a peek at the looks of the ladies who I collaborated with on this series, they're all talented and beautiful!

July 09, 2013

Look of The Day


I've been doing a lot more looks lately and I'm happy about it! YAY! However, I've been terrible at updating my blog with these looks so I've decided to be more diligent about it!

I didn't realize how washed out I looked on Instagram so I have a couple more pictures I took at work last night.

So here's THE RUNDOWN!

  • Inglot Freedom Shadows 30 (on the inner corner), 402 (on the center of the lid), 471 (on the outer corner and blended up into the crease), 63 (to darken the crease), and 313 on the browbone. I also used the Kohl Eyeliner pencil in 01 to line the waterline and 77 AMC gel eyeliner for my wing.
  • Sugarpill Cosmetics Eyeshadow Afterparty blended in my lower lash line to add a pop of color to my mostly neutral eye. 
  • My lashes were an old pair of Miss Adoro lashes that I can't quite remember!
  • Benefit's They're Real mascara. 
  • Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz in Medium Ash
  • The Face Shop's Face It HD Perfect BB Cream
  • Rimmel London's Stay Matte in Transparent 
  • Nars Bronzer in Laguna
  • Inglot's 23 Face Blush
  • The Balm's TimeBalm Concealer in Light/Medium
  • MAC Cosmetics Lip Pencil in Oak
  • YSL Volupté Sheer Candy in No.12 Tasty Raspberry
Hope you guys like it!


July 01, 2013

A Failed Attempt at an Outfit of the Day

Happy July!

Can you believe how QUICKLY June came and went? Well whatever! On to the next month.

Some updates:

I'm sure you've all read how Google Reader is no longer with us, that's alright, you guys can keep up to date with Bloglovin' which I've personally had forever and have been using quite frequently. Here's the link to my blog if you don't already follow it!

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

That's pretty much it for updates!

I have been wanting to post more blogs but sometimes I feel like I'm writing and no one is reading and sometimes that's fine because I do mostly write for myself but I write on my blog to connect with others, I'd love to create a little base with others, become friends, and read what they have to say and whatnot. I kept thinking what I could possibly do in order to be more interesting, so I thought I should do an Outfit of the Day post...hahaha. What a fail! However, this has not discouraged me from putting the pictures up. They're just silly pictures of myself! So here you go!

Borrowed sexy camera to take pictures.

I wasn't necessarily wearing anything very special haha! I wear black everyday. Oh yes, this is at work!

Smiling and blurry.

Contacts are ridiculous!

See? I had fun this day with my photographer Stephanie (lol), who by the way is a wayyyyy talented  make up artist who I have the pleasure of working with anddddd call my friend ! Follow her on instagram: StephhShadyy

That's it! I hope you all have a wonderful day!


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