February 01, 2017

Weight Loss Woes


It's been a minute and A LOT has happened. I'm not going to get into these details (not yet anyway) but I wanted to write about something I've been struggling with most of my life. Looking back, I feel as though, I shouldn't have been worried so much about it when I was younger but now, well now I should be worried.

Growing up, I was la gorda of my family. My sisters were much leaner than I was when we were younger and I was constantly reminded of that. I grew up thinking I was fat. I was always obsessed with losing weight but even when I did lose weight I was still the fat one, both to my family and myself. It had been drilled into my head so much that I looked at myself and believed I was overweight. I remember buying my prom dress and having my mom and sister tell me I needed to lose weight, I was a size 6, about 120 pounds. I was 18 then. I am about to be 30 now and I'm a 12 or 14. I weight about 185 pounds and I can tell you with certainty, that I was not fat when I was 18. I feel like it's a latino thing to nitpick on weight and this kind of obsessive commenting on people's weight is very damaging to the head. I grew up with this complex and I feel like in a way I was almost coerced to get bigger. The instant I realized I was actually overweight it was like my eyes opened up and I thought if I hadn't let my thinking get me here, I could actually be in better shape.

Now here's the thing. All this time, I was being told to lose weight. "Go exercise," they said, but no one taught me how to eat. I think this is a big deal. I was constantly being told I was big but I wasn't given the proper tools. In the long run, this has affected my ability to maintain my diets. My family thought that losing weight meant eating less. Sometimes, eating less is the right thing to do but I usually don't eat too much. I do tend to eat "bad" but I don't overeat. I don't have breakfast but I do have lunch and dinner and here and there I'll snack.

I have a strange relationship with food. Well, it's not strange. I love food. However, I also tend to use food for comfort. This is why when I do eat I go for the fries instead of the salad. The fries bring me joy, the salad does not. I realize that like everything, changing my eating habits, is really just that- it's creating a habit. It's completely overhauling what I thought I knew about food and re-educating and disciplining myself.

A few months ago, I was told I was pre-diabetic and that's when I really knew I had to change how I ate and exercised. Recently, my family took a hard loss to gastric cancer. That shit crept up on us and took away my cousin Mariela. This was another wake-up call, probably the thing that shook me (all of us) to my core. I really want to be healthy, for myself and for my family. Besides that, I really want to be comfortable in my body but I don't want it to consume my life so that all I think about is HEALTH OR BUST. I am working on it. I'm starting out small and trying to build these habits. It doesn't help that I'm stressed the fuck out with my last semester in school, an internship (or trying to find one), and a job. I don't sleep much and that's another thing I have to work on. It also doesn't help when people give you unsolicited advice. Me telling you I want to be healthier doesn't mean you have the license to tell me what I shouldn't eat. I'm not asking anyone to help me out that way because what I'll do is eat worse. I know it's a stupid thing but it just doesn't work for me.

The whole reason I wrote this in the first place is because I want to commit to change my life and this is like a little contract with myself because I'm putting it out there and holding myself accountable. I would like support but not in the way I mentioned above, to be honest, I don't know what it should be. I guess even reading this is support enough!


January 06, 2016

Pink Halo Eyes

Yay! Finally got my first video up for the New Year! It took a total of 3 days to edit but I guess that it's because I'm rusty, I kept falling asleep while editing and my computer is being extra slow ugh but whatever! It's here!!! YAY!

Here's a product breakdown:

MAC Soft Ochre Paint Pot
Sephora Glitterguard
Tarte Tartelette in Bloom Palette (Charmer, Rebel, Leader, Activist)
Sugarpill Pro Palette (2am, Poison Plum)
Colourpop Slave2Pink Super Shock Pressed Pigment
Too Faced Better than Sex Mascara
KoKo Lashes in Goddess
Becca Cosmetics Shimmering Skin Perfector in Pearl

Smashbox Brow Tech Matte Pencil in Taupe
Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Powder Duo in Soft Brown
MAC Cosmetics Pro Longwear Concealer in NC15

Nivea Men's Post Shave Balm in Sensitive
Becca Cosmetics Backlight Priming Filter
Estee Lauder Double Wear Foundation in Sand
MAC Cosmetics Pro Longwear Concealer in NC15
Ben Nye Luxury Powder in Cameo
Guerlain Light Bronzing Powder in Brunette
Becca Cosmetics Shimmering Skin Perfectors in Pearl and Moonstone
Artist Couture Luxurious Cheek Colour in Boudoir
MAC Fix+

Milani Spice Lipliner
Kat Von D Studded Kiss Lipstick in Agatha and Lovecraft

Real Techniques Miracle Complexion Sponge
Real Techniques Blush Brush
Real Techniques Setting Brush
Zoeva Brow Line Brush
Zoeva Petit Crease Brush
Tweezerman Tweezers
House of Lashes Adhesive

Here's the video:


December 25, 2015

Starting "Fresh"

It took everything in me not to delete everything on this blog and I'm not exactly sure why.  There were some posts that are a little more successful than others so I've kept those.

I think, I just want a do over and I don't want to wait until the new year to get these things going for myself. New Year doesn't come with an automatic do over, so I figure, start fresh when you want, now is the time because tomorrow is never guaranteed.

With that said, there will be new posts: makeup, life-posts, anything that tickles my fancy, pretty much. Also, a cool new layout from I got it for 10 bucks which was basically a steal for this template and I love it a lot more than the one I previously purchased which, was also beautiful but this is soooooooo nice.

I suppose I should be making layouts by now myself but I need to brush up on my web skills. Anywho, Merry Christmas! Have a great new year!

I'm excited for 2016!


September 24, 2015

Fall Makeup Tutorial

Hi lovies!

I did a thing! Today's the first day of Fall so I made an Autumnal tutorial on my YouTube! The video will be linked with the picture above but will also be at the end of the post!

Here's a breakdown of what I used:

CoverFx Mattifying Primer
L'oreal Infallible Foundation in 104
Cover Fx Custom Cover Drops in G20
MAC Pro Longwear Concealer in NW20
Ben Nye Luxury Powder in Cameo
Pixi Beauty Bronzer in Subtly Suntouched
Becca Mineral Blush in Gypsy
Becca Shimmering Skin Perfector in Moonstone
Guerlain Bronzer in Brunettes

Urban Decay Primer Potion
Melt Cosmetics Love Sick and Dark Matter stacks (Dark Matter, Enigma, Blurr, Unseen, Love Sick)
Inglot 355 and 335 Freedom eyeshadows
Inglot 50 AMC Pure Pigment
Ardell Wispies Lashes
Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz in Soft Brown

MAC Burgundy Lipliner
Coloured Raine Truffle Raine Liquid Lipstick

Here's the video:


June 04, 2015

Summer Date Look Tutorial

Hi guys!!!

I posted a brand new tutorial up on my YouTube so pleaaaaaaaaaase take a look and watch (I'll link the video at the bottom of the post if you want to skip ahead)!

Here's a full list of products I used:

MAC Cosmetics Soft Ochre Paint Pot
OuterBeauty Cosmetics F178 Domed Refiner Brush (to apply the paint pot)
Sugarpill Charmy Loose Eyeshadow
Sugarpill Flamepoint Pressed Eyeshadow
Sugarpill Lumi Loose Eyeshadow
Melt Cosmetics Dark Matter Eyeshadow Stack (specifically Enigma, Blurr, and Unseen)
NYC New York Color Liquid Eyeliner
MAC Cosmetics False Lashes Mascara
Shu Uemura Eyelash Curler
Red Cherry Eyelashes in WSP
Bare Escentuals Maximum Coverage Concealer Brush

Nivea Post Shave Balm in Sensitive
L'oreal Infallible Pro Matte Foundation in Golden Beige 104
Cover FX Custom Cover Drops in G20
MAC Cosmetics Pro Longwear Concealer in NC15
OuterBeauty Precision Sponge
OuterBeauty F102 Flat Kabuki
Ben Nye Cameo Powder
Guerlain Terracota Light Sheer Bronzing Powder in 03 Brunettes
MAC Cosmetics Mineralize Blush in Warm Soul
The Balm Mary-Lou Manizer Highlighter

Smashbox Brow Tech in Brunette
L'oreal Brow Stylist Plumper in Light Medium

Guerlain Kiss Kiss Lipgloss in 864 Rose Sunset

That is every product I used that day except for things that have been discontinued like the eye pencil I used.

Also, please note that I'm currently in the process of letting my natural hair grow out because I feel like it's time for my hair to reset...or maybe I should invest in going to a real hairdresser as opposed to bleaching my hair myself.

Hope you're all doing great!

(click to watch)


May 14, 2015

How to Eyeliner: Liquid

New Video! I'm going to do a How to Eyeliner series and here's the first installation!


April 05, 2015


I have been 28 for a total of five days and so far it has been spectacular! I did exactly what I wanted for my birthday, which was absolutely nothing. Tuesday came rolling on by and I just slept, watched TV, and played with my nieces and nephews.

Saturday, however, was a different story. My sisters and friends took me to brunch and a lot of things went wrong but my loved ones made it the best they could and honestly it was the best birthday celebration I've ever had...thus far.

27 was a very interesting year for me. I had what we guess we can consider my first break-up and though I'm still working through it, I'm doing much better than I had envisioned I would be a couple of months ago. I took charge of my mental health and am significantly happier and working through stressful situations. I am FINALLY working towards my Bachelor's Degree in Graphic Design. I am also working on transitioning out of retail and working closer to my career goals. Finally, though not as frequent, I'm finally working on my YouTube channel and so far that has been quite rewarding. I'm just in a great place and of course there are still areas that need improvement but life is work in progress. I can't wait what changes will happen in the next year!

Love and light!

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